TUNE UP #2
MARK
Tell the folks at home what you’re doing Roger
ROGER
I’m writing one great song —
MARK
The phone rings.
ROGER
Yesss!
MARK
We screen.
ROGER & MARK’S ANSWERING MACHINE
“Speak” … (“Beeeep!”)
(Lights fade up on the street: the front-door area of MARK and ROGER’s building.
Nearby is a battered public pay phone.
TOM COLLINS stands at the phone.)
COLLINS
“Chestnuts roasting —”
ROGER & MARK
(as MARK picks up the phone)
Collins!
COLLINS
I’m downstairs
MARK
Hey!
COLLINS
Roger picked up the phone??
MARK
No, it’s me.
COLLINS
Throw down the key.
(MARK pulls out a small leather pouch and drops it off the apron downstage center
as if from a window; a weighted leather
pouch plops down from “upstairs.” COLLINS catches it.)
MARK
A wild night is now pre-ordained
(Two THUGS appear from above, with clubs.
They are obviously close to attacking COLLINS, who says back into the phone…)
COLLINS
I may be detained.
(THUGS mime beating and kicking COLLINS,
who falls to the ground as lights on him fade.)
MARK
What does he mean…?
(Phone rings again)
What do you mean “detained”?
(Lights come up on BENNY, who’s on a cellular phone.)
BENNY
Ho ho ho.
MARK & ROGER
Benny! Shit.
BENNY
Dudes, I’m on my way
MARK & ROGER
Great! Fuck.
BENNY
I need the rent
MARK
What rent?
BENNY
This past year’s rent which I let slide
MARK
Let slide? You said we were ‘golden’
ROGER
When you bought the building
MARK
When we were roommates
ROGER
Remember — you lived here!?
BENNY
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen
How is the drama queen?
MARK
She’s performing tonight
BENNY
I know.
Still her production manager?
MARK
Two days ago I was bumped
BENNY
You still dating her?
MARK
Last month I was dumped
ROGER
She’s in love
BENNY
She’s got a new man?
MARK
Well — no
BENNY
What’s his name?
BOTH
Joanne
BENNY
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few
(ROGER defiantly picks out Musetta’s theme from Puccini’s La Boheme on the electric guitar.
The fuse blows on the amp.)
MARK
The power blows …
